Tuesday, 14 April 2009

  • Unfriending’s for Wimps!

    I can reference many examples of absolutely asinine cultural superstitions:  “Man-made global warming is not a hoax!”  “We are seriously over-populated!”  “Kanye West is Jesus!”  (Or if you’ve heard the news lately, “Kanye West is still Jesus!”)  My purpose for this post isn’t to discuss these topics, though the first two are so easy to disprove, even for me, (and has been done already by people more qualified), that it isn’t worth my time. 

    Instead, I want you as the reader to consider why you might have unfriended.  To begin with, you and I are sitting behind computer screens, maybe even half the world away.  Yet your “fight or flight” responses have been activated.  You. Feel. Threatened.  Why?  I can’t shoot you with my Red Rider bb gun.  Ideas are not going to drive you to insanity, fast-food binges, or an early grave.  Unless you let them.  They’re issues; they aren’t part of you.  It’s not violence you fear.  It’s the fear of being wrong.  Just admit it.  It might be that you realize your knowledge of a given topic is insignificant, yet you still hold on as if it were drift wood and you’re immersed in river rapids.  Or it might just be that your subconscious mind is telling your conscious mind, “Haha! you sucker!” 

    Now the mature thing to do would be to immerse yourself in both sides of the issue obsessively with an open mind.  Construct scenarios, look for possible contradictions, attempt to justify those contradictions and not decide until you have exhausted the topic, which is true.  Of course this is the mature, intelligent method, but you don’t need me to tell you this one; you already know it, if you just thought about it.  Seriously, you’re __ years old.  Grow up.  And you have a Xanga; if you can’t handle that responsibility, you shouldn’t have one.

    There’s always the other option.  You could continue to do what the government wants and believe them and your teacher.  (Don’t get me wrong; there a few good public school teachers.)  Then everything will be all right.  It’s much easier for you and the government because you’ll be insecure then as you are now and ready to pee your pants because you can’t find Mommy.  More importantly, you’ll continue to unfriend people who just might have taught you something important.  There, you‘re still stupid, which means that you‘re still a respectable member of society.  You fit in!  Congratulations.

    Oh, and if you really believe Kanye is Jesus, this post does not apply to you, so unfriend to your heart’s content.

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